I am told I am a character.
Well, yeah, that is how I made my sales.
Disarmed with humor and being entertaining to them, then I would casually hand them the pen and push the contract across the desk.
I have a million different closes – different stories.
All with a point.
All the while building trust in that which passes my lips.
We will do a LOT better here The Georgia Bulldogs than the damned Southern California PAC-12 do out there in the Land of Fruits and Nuts in EJ Price’s career out there. He is NOT an Athlete and the 4-Star is seriously not athletic and I hope you fall off into the grungy Pacific Ocean in the next Earthquake. Piss on you EJ.
I hate the travel to Southern California. It’s a miserable place with 2 completely separate distinct classes of people. One never meets the other. It’s expensive as shit and no one gives a rats’ ass about college football.
Their football program sucks at Southern California and has ever since the scandal of Reggie Bush putting them on NCAA Probation in Football and stripping them of the one National Championship the entire PAC-12 had since 1972. As a result the PAC-12 has not won a national championship in football since 1972. They have the Rose Bowl and play Big Ten teams. Were it not for that, they would LOSE every bowl game.
The whole entire reason for the Rose Bowl is the pageantry. There is NO OTHER REASON at ALL whatsofreaking ever !
The Big Ten is a conference of pussies.
That is WHY The PAC-12 AND their hometown ROSE BOWL always foked-up the National Championship every year insisting that the Rose Bowl would
ONLY pit the Pac-8 Pac-10 Pac-12 Conference against the Big 10.
At least the Pac-12 can count.
That is LOT more than can be said for the dumbasses bullshit Big 10.
Big 10 ?
You’ve got to be kidding me ?
Ohio State of the Big 10 played 13 straight bowl games against The Mighty SEC including Georgia in Bowl Games and NEVER won until finally they beat a bullshit team last year.
No wonder the Rose Bowl insists “the granddaddy of them all” would pit them against just only the Big 10 freaking teams.
And, they held-up the real national champion being actually pitted against the top teams in the nation because of this bullshit.
Finally we forced the Rose Bowl to capitulate.
Now, the world knows the truth.
The PAC-12 can not beat shit.
Except for the pussies in the Big 10.
So the Pac-12 has a better bowl record than others because of just ONLY this !
The PAC-12 is a horrible conference and nowhere as good as The SEC.
No one goes to the games.
No one cares.
No one bothers.
The ocean is dirty and ugly.
The smog is unbearable. If you drive, it takes 17 hours at 100 miles per hour. You need 2 drivers and it really takes 3 days. That is if you don’t want to stop along the way. There is a LOT more to do along the way than there is once you get there.
It is a different culture.
Our headquarters was out there for the last 25 years of my career. I hated the hell out of it. I know the area like the back of my hand.
When you drive out there, you see the smog building up until the sunset is completely obliterated by the smog making it orange and every other color in the rainbow as you top each new hill coming-in there. After the miles as orange. Then, you see green sky at sunset. Next you see purple.
Crazy damn shit.
We woke up me on the floor on the 22nd story of the Marriott. The hotel was on roller skates. It rolled 6 feet toward the parking lot and 6 feet back. I looked out the balcony and saw the parking lot coming-up towards me. I was certain the top of the hotel was breaking-off and going to land in the parking lot. 12 ENTIRE feet closer to the parking lot I saw the top floor shearing-off toward ! Knew I was dead. Our fiscal year was the middle of the year, like most companies.
The lights all went out. There was no PA announcement. We had landed at 11:30 pm Pacific time. The rest of the nation was asleep. They closed the restaurant and we wanted a nice meal after the airplane food. All I could talk them into was 2 pieces of cake for me to take up to us in our room. I could not wind down from the need for good protein and cake was the last thing I wanted.
I had worked my way through college as a chef. I told them turn me loose in empty kitchen and I would make it look better than their staff had left it. Find something to make something with protein.
I had finally after watching TV and her asleep on the King Size Bed fallen into rem sleep – the deepest sleep right at the start.
She is 98 lbs. dripping-wet. She was still in the bed !
Where is my Silk Camisole wiping the sleep from her eyes, not knowing either what was happening.
If you weigh more you end up slammed from your deepest sleep in the middle of the floor in front of the couch looking-up out to the balcony and seeing the parking lot moving 12 feet towards you !
Picture it !
I grabbed her up and started heading to the hallway.
She wanted to stop and put on at least her Silk Camisole.
I laughed at her.
Consoled her. It’s ok dear.
I have you.
I will take care of you in this.
There is an emergency and we’re going to die.
Grabbed her little hands and flung her through the doorway into the hallway and all the way down the steps sometimes her flying in the air and me holding on for death life to my baby.
Darling, if they don’t like the way you look – let them look somewhere else dear.
I threw my suit jacket over her and ran to the hallways.
Nothing was marked.
No clue where the stairs were.
Horrible really loud alarms in the middle of the night.
Sirens going off.
Not sure if there was a fire going-on in addition or as a result of the Marriott Hotel Proper breaking-up in this or what.
No one there.
I think many just stayed in their room or the Hotel was empty.
No one there.
Maybe we were the 1st to act ?
Finally in the middle of the hallway, I found a stair well and we flew down.
I was certain that the building would shear-off right at the floor we were at every floor. And they would find us and say oh if these 2 had just made one more flight of stairs they might have lived.
When we got the bottom and I threw open the door.
I looked around and everyone was just standing there – way away from the Hotel building.
In the middle of the parking lot.
I looked up and said where is the rain ?
What kind of Hurricane is this without rain ?
Where are you from boy ?
Oh, that explains it.
This is not a hurricane.
You’re in California.
This is an earthquake.
It took them days to tell me what the real name was and where the epicenter was. All the geniuses out there in charge – no one wanted to take charge and make a statement. All conjecture.
They argued where the epicenter was.
I know where it was.
I was on top of it.
It was the largest earthquake in 40 years’ time.
They said it was this or that in strength.
They none of them could stand up and be a man about it.
It was Tuesday the following week when they finally said maybe it was an epicenter 23 miles from where we were.
I pictured a burning cactus bush in the middle of the desert.
What a freaking name for the largest earthquake 7.3 they finally decided on the following Tuesday – largest in the nation in 40 years’ time.
Trust me it was bigger than that and me closer to the epicenter.
I interviewed everyone for 2 weeks afterwards.
I read every story.
Got on the Internet and read the earthquake specialists arguing with each other over the details.
None of them knew.
It was HELL.
Let me tell you HELL.
Dogs and Cats Sleeping with each other – eating each other’s shit.
Let me paint the picture for you ?
I thought with the damned jet lag and rem sleep and damn sweet cake that put me all together in a stupor that we were at a Marriott in Florida on the beach. That is all my mind could conjure up.
We were supposed to be out there for 2 weeks to Win a Free Mustang Convertible. But, that is another story for another day.
God Almighty is all I can say. We were only a few miles from the epicenter and I gave their do not care staff at the Marriott on the Concierge Level hell. I called the Marquis desk and made them send the hotel manager out to me in the parking lot. I made them move me to another Marriott. I refused to pay for the 2 week stay. Everything was comped like when we go to Las Vegas including the new Marriott 50 miles from that hellhole for the 2 weeks there.
I said another story but really this trip was ONLY about that.
I had sold the most in the country as I had done 11 times in a row nationally.
They picked 6 of us from 6 regions to fly out there.
They put us up for a night and I paid for the other 2 weeks because I hated the jet lag and wanted to be at my best.
They put all 6 of us on pieces of paper and in a bowl. They then the California HQ folks on the stage at the Convention Center they rented-out that night for the Banquet they advertised about for an entire freaking year as an Incentive Trip at the end of the year before the President’s Club which I also won every year.
It was a completely separate Award Ceremony.
Then, they called my name out.
I walked up confident, albeit pissed-off from the damn Joshua Tree Earthquake 2 weeks earlier and their bullshit that 6 names are drawn from a freaking hat when I was # 1 sales rep in the nation AGAIN and would GET MY SEPARATE SPECIAL DUE after 11 straight years of being their # 1 Sales Rep. $ 5 billion a year revenue and me their # 1 s/r half my career.
I get there and the son of a bitch “regional manager” who made half of what I did if that, who was always jealous of me and only assisted on my big sales to Coca-Cola the U.S. Marines Corps 6th Division HQ down on Peachtree in Buckhead, Post Properties and all the other of my 6,000 companies like these 3 of the 6,000 companies here in Atlanta I sold for them in my 25-year career for them and he says :
I will spare you his name.
He only assisted me reluctantly and kept always saying to me we do NOT make a waiver on that even for this sale bullshit.
“Congratulations Thomas Brown, you did NOT win.”
Drew my name out of the hat of the 6.
Called me to the stage.
I get there and THEN.
Then, the piece of shit reveled in telling ME that I did NOT win the Mustang Convertible.
Then, he proceeded to pull out 5 more names each to join me on the stage.
He was good at the Dog and Pony Show at the HQ.
So he in charge of this AWARD CEREMONY the contest bragged about daily for a year.
Just a few weeks prior to the National Sales Meeting called the President’s Club for the Top Sales – all comped in places like San Francisco, Sydney Australia, Madrid Spain, New York City, Las Vegas, Hawai’i 5 times I won that trip to Hawai’i, Costa Rica, Puerto Rico, Africa, Miami South Beach, Orlando, Clearwater, Daytona Beach, Dallas Texas, Nashua New Hampshire, Fiji, and they never gave me shit except for my salary and commissions as # 1 rep.
So when the 6th person a good fiend of mine in Charlotte who weighed 330 lbs. finally was called the stage from our same table where he brought his then girlfriend with him out there for this ceremony, the little dweeb now says – so all of you did NOT win, and here is our last and winner…
I was so pissed.
He sold half the shit that year I did.
Half my numbers which were MILLIONS.
And, he wins with half a million sales in Charlotte.
He could not even fit in the damn Mustang. I got in it.
He could not get in it.
I’d still be driving it.
He sold it before ever driving it.
Everything on it.
I had one.
Long time ago.
So he wins the car.
Gave him hell about that and still do when we get together or talk when he needs my help. He is lot younger than I, half my age.
I taught him EVERYTHING about his job with us. He called me every few minutes on this or that.
But, him ?
Not me ?
Call me to stage.
Pull my name out 1st.
Me top s/r in nation that year.
And, they give it to him.
I do NOT like Southern California and hope they all go to hell and burn in a fiery shearing-off of the I hope the whole damned worthless state of little shits like this guy M.C. of the night a little shit who also went to UGA and was a Bible-Thumper and never studied at UGA in an earthquake landing all their asses including EJ Freaking Price in the dirty-ass Pacific.
EJ Price is the SLOWEST PLAYER on the Southern California football team by a long wide margin.
He is NO ATHLETE.
He does not care.
They say he is number 100 :
He is NOT # 100.
He is number freaking zero.
And, to go out there and expect to be in a hotbed of college football – what a rude awakening so far away and no one cares about college football.
No one going to the games.
Nothing to talk about the team anyway.
What has ANYONE in the Pac-12 done after 1972 ?
Not a damn thing.
Almost 50 years of zero Pac-12 National Championships.
44 years and the PAC-12 has ZERO National Championships.
The one they did get Reggie Bush had stripped from them.
Not just Southern California trojans.
The entire PAC-12 PAC-10 or whatever they want to call that lousy stinking conference no one gives a shit about.
Not that anyone out there gives a shit about national championships, because they do NOT !
The NCAA upheld on appeal first one year then another year of cheating by PAC-12 Southern California.
They brag of their “TEAM” National Championships.
In bullshit sports and NOT ONE in football after 1972.
They only have 12 teams.
None are any good.
Whenever they play anyone NOT the Big Ten cough cough, they LOSE.
Eustice Johnny-boy Price ?
I have heard of DJ.
What does EJ stand for ?
Neil Callaway ? He was DUI here as our coach.
Tee Martin ? That fool admitted he took money to win the tainted national championship for the vols as their QB. Got it at a 7-11 shop-a-lot corner store he said when they wired it to him there. $7000 payments – several of them Tee Martin said.
“That was a DIFFERENT TEE MARTIN then,” Tee Martin told the reporters talking in the 3rd person about himself. “I would NEVER do that now.” “I am a Christian now.”
“But, I can come clean now all these years later the NCAA can not do shit now to me or to the vols for our tainted 1998 ‘national championship’ but yeah I can not remember how many wire transfers but I think you press found what was it 3 of the payments. We still won the ‘NC’ and there is nothing anyone can do to me NOW or EVER for that was a different Tee Martin way back then in 1998 all season getting more and more $ 7000 wire transfers to 7-11 stores I would go to get payment and yeah a car too. I am forgiven now by MY GOD. I am a Christian NOW. I would never do that NOW ! Yes. That was wrong. I knew at the time that was wrong. That is why I lied about it and told everyone I did NOT get a free car and God knows how many wire transfers to 7-11 stores of $6000 or $7000 each. I am FORGIVEN. Forgive me Oh Lord, Oh Jesus.”
Same with freaking Neil Callaway.
Offensive Coordinator for that dumbshit predecessor of Kirby.
That’s right when Neil Callaway for his Offensive Coordinator here, he was arrested for DUI.
Fine example for the kids.
Did he get fired for that ?
Both got away SCOTT-FREE.
I have disciplined Neil Callaway and have forgiven him for this – so no he is not getting fired.
He is my Offensive Coordinator, he told the Press at the time.
And, they let him off for his mixed-message to the kids and to Neil Callaway on this too !
The kids he kicks-out of The University of Georgia for this.
His Offensive Coordinator ?
Totally DIFFERENT set of rules for him.
He doesn’t have to be a good example to the kids.
I can have 1 set of rules for him as my damned Offensive Coordinator and ANOTHER FAR MORE HARSH set of rules for the kids.
These are the 2 “Southern California” coaches who lied to EJ Price to get him out there and what they DID NOT TELL HIM in recruiting would FILL A BOOK.
He will be asking both of them in short-order, why didn’t you tell me about…
That’s why those 2 coaches are out there because they have so much baggage only in a place where nobody cares nobody bothers could they get anything done for answering all the questions about BOTH of their past history.
Pac-12 NO COMPARISON with the competition in The Mighty SEC.
And, that is why slow plodding – slowest player on Southern California’s team – went out there.
Not being an Athlete, EJ Price did not want to compete in The SEC.
After a few flights out there, or once driving out there, he will hate the travel.
If you think of being in a plane and I paid the mileage upgrade to fly Delta non-stop 1st Class for us each trip, and get to where you can not stand to be in a coup-up plane one more damn moment, then you are to the Grand Canyon and have another friqin’ more than hour remaining.
You get up and walk around the plane all you can.
You stretch out.
You read a whole book flying out there.
It is slightly more than an hour MORE than any man can endure.
Still, once you get there you have freaking jet lag for 3 days’ time. Your whole body is out of whack driving or flying.
So going out there even on then Delta’s flagship planes widest bodies top senior pilot in their fleet, you are WORN-OUT a good hour before you get there.
You then beyond yourself trying to get there stir-crazy and you in Arizona. More than an hour
God Damn it, I hate the freaking flights out there I made a hundred times.
Southern California EJ Price ?
You dumbass mother foker.
You know NOTHING to make that choice.
When you get over that you are going to say, that boy is just jealous of me, and come BACK then and re-read what I have said, you will ADMIT you know ?
“That Thomas Brown UGA guy, is right – you know?”
Every word out of his mouth on this is EXACTLY as he said it.
I friq’ed this one up.
I should have asked him.
Where the HELL were you when I needed you Thomas Brown UGA ?
I was right here, and had no idea you were this stupid.
I was certain you wanted to be part of the dream of Academic All-America Kirby Smart for UGA.
Look boy, we will go and find us some JUCO guys who WANT a diploma worth in my career and now retirement about $5 million dollars.
And, we will be a LOT better off than you out there being lied to boy. Lied to by 2 Southern boys who DID not tell you what you did not ask.
How could you know to ask ?
Did you even visit out there ?
Did you spend time on your own and drive around ?
Good Lord you dumb son of a bitch !
What a fok wad.
After one game where no one gives a shit about the game, he will wish to hell he was back in The Sun Belt, back in the Bible Belt, back in The South.
When he tries to buy grits and they laugh at him, he will have everyone send him some.
Folks will ask him about southern California.
He will lie.
He will drive through San Diego and go to Tijuana. One time doing that, and he will NEVER go back.
Want to meet my sister ?
Little boys on bicycles drive up to your car when you get there.
Route 66 ?
Las Vegas ?
No. Not from southern California.
Grand Canyon ?
Have to stop at those places on the way out there.
And, wish to hell once you get there that you would’ve stayed at some of the places like that on the way out and not even gone on farther.
San Francisco ?
Not there either.
All long ways off and nothing there at all to do.
No college football fans.
The 1st damn earthquake and like me he will NEVER ever want to be there through another.
Maybe the whole damn state will float away into the Pacific and take his sorry slow-footed ass with it.
Piss off EJ.
Get a real name.
Buy a vowel.
What a misfit out of shape nobody only 4-star # 99 football player.
Full of himself.
Thinks he will be big man in California.
There are 40 million folks out there living.
I swear to God it’s the pits.
40 million people.
No one is from out there.
No one stays.
The distractions will make him homesick.
The Southern California 2016 recruiting class is NOT AS GOOD AS OURS HERE
EVEN with EJ Price.
It is a horrible class Southern California signed this year, again.
They have not done a damn thing at Southern California.
There is no mystique about Southern California.
Been there done that.
EJ Price thought we were bad last year ?
8-6 Southern California 2015 season ***
9-4 the year before ***
10-4 the year before that ***
7-6 the year before that ***
10-2 the year before that ****
8-5 the year before that ***
9-4 the year before that which is now 7 years of total abject bullshit college football.
Archer high school in Lawrenceville ? Archer has NEVER won shit. You can not beat anyone at ANYTHING, especially not football.
Your teams sucked and you sucked.
Full of shit and full of yourself you know I am right.
You click on “FOOTBALL” tab on the left and the URL Link goes nowhere.
47-27 Dyer is as your coach at Archer.
That is your all-time record.
You can not beat your way out of a wet paper bag and when they see in Southern California how homesick and what a poor “athlete” you are EJ Price they AND you both will be very disillusioned.
Archer high school in Lawrenceville has never won shit in football.
You and your team are FULL OF YOURSELVES.
Even in the down-trodden sorry-ass Pac-12 which no Pac-12 team has won the national championship in college football after 1972.
See if I care about EJ freaking Price.
I do not.
Or anyone else out there in the Land of Fruits and Nuts where no one cares about college football and he the slowest-footed plodding NON-ATHLETE lowly 4-star EVER !
The only reason they had Neil Callaway and Tee Martin recruit you was BOTH of them wanted to get back here to The South where COLLEGE FOOTBALL IS KING because BOTH of them hate it out there and BOTH will be short-timers who BOTH say God I hated it in southern California and was scared as shit I would end up in the ocean with ocean-front property then in Arizona.
Piss on You EJ Price. You’re not an Athlete. No “athlete” is as slow as you. I don’t give a shit about you any more. Fok off !
I could not foresee this thing happening to you !